Hello dreamers ✨☁️
Jenny here! Man I’ve been riding quite the wave. Almost hard to put into words which is why this has taken so long. But better late than never has been the motto to my ways. So here I am, rolling with the punches. Afterall, it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t let you in on all the tea 🙊 

Second wind

Where Is She?

As you might of been able to tell by my absence, I’ve been busy…well LIVING. For the first time in a long time I didn’t want to be consumed with projects, masterminds, clothing drops and zoom meetings. I didn’t want to fill my days with plans and fill my future with even more plans. I just wanted to be well… free. Instead, this wave was all about being consumed with the things that used to make me come alive. You know that state of mind… not a care in the world except for traveling, dancing, laughing, and where to get a good martini. Yea I missed that version of me. So I went running for it. 

Music used to be everything for me. Playing it, being around it. Something about Long Beach there is no shortage of it. It felt like there were musical prodigies everywhere! Overtime it did something to my soul. It made me listen to the world differently. It made me dream differently. I think that’s why I started the path of intertwining music with Carolmine. I never would have imagined pursuing these kid like dreams of making music. But I guess that’s just what happens when your a girl that gets swept off her feet by the hit of a good tune. 

Before this Hawaii wave I found myself consumed with one thing. Making it out. I say out because subconsciously I didn’t realize that’s what it felt like. More on this later. The point I want to make now is my desire for a change in focus. Just talking about all the fun things I would be able to do one day was no longer good enough. I needed to go and live it. So off I went to find the girl that was lit on fire by life and some good tunes. 

Runaway Girl

Now the reason behind this new found focus was not only because I missed this version of me but because surprise surprise, your girl was running away. If I were to put it into words now, it felt like I was running away from the pain of working so hard to “make it out” and yet nothing panning out anyways lol. I mean I had a failed relationship, a failed project that ended in a business partner running off with my idea, a boutique that seemed to be hovering around the same place as always and oh yea that I made ALL about my love story! Wow how embarrassing lol. But what hurt the most is having a younger brother who was dealing with a lot of deep pain. If life was going to inevitably end up at this very spot then what was the point of trying sooo hard ya know? 

I kind of always tried to be like my grandma. Entrepreneurial minded and the rock of the family. Typically I had waves where I felt like her and waves where I didn’t. But I always found my way back. This was different though. All of these things happening at once was officially my recipe for running away. For the first time ever I decided to tap out. Interestingly enough, everyone let me. Before this wave it always seemed like I couldn’t. Like if I took a break then everything would fall apart. I never stop to think that what if I took a break and everything fell into place… 

Las Lunáticas

Now there’s two reasons behind my second wind. The first being…a girl! Lol. So sometime in September I met my long lost sister. We actually met several times. Once even 10 years ago! But for some reason it never quite stuck. Turns out we had a similar journey. She just got out of a 12 year relationship and bought her one way ticket to hawaii a year prior. Along with the fact that she’s from Long Beach and a fellow Latina from the hood. Well let’s just say…I felt right at home.

I pride myself in being the kind of person that mixes well with all kinds of people. But there’s nothing like those special connections that only come from similar experiences. I’m going to be straight up about it, I’m talking about that brown skin girl trauma. I never quite realized how much hiding I did when it came to my trauma until being in the presence of someone who had a similar upbringing with not a thing to hide. Being submerged in different types of groups in school and in the professional world got me trained in well, the code switch. I really never thought anything of it. It just felt like something I had to do. I had my people who I grew up with who knew what was up and my people who, well didn’t. I never felt the need to correct those people. I never felt like I was ever strong enough to do so. Instead, I got so use to giving a watered down version of myself depending on the setting. I never stopped to think about the impact of that let alone what life could be like if I stopped hiding. 

My favorite thing ever is being able to be completely myself around someone. But like the whole package version. You know the vibe. Goofy beyond reason; ambitious mastermind leader; music fanatic and philosopher of life with a blunt in the air waving it like I just don’t care type of vibes. I think many of you who have seen versions of me on here can get the picture. But as you can imagine, finding people that fully click is a puzzle in itself. My type of people? Well typically the funny ones who don’t take all the waves of life too seriously. I find a lot of people are worrisome. Full of worry and full of judgement. Two things I can’t seem to find the time to dwell on after all the waves I’ve been through. I had found someone who was like that and on a similar wave too. She also like me, is super clumsy, has wildly uncontrollable hair, finds humor even in the most difficult things, can hang with the boys, and the best part, follows the music. We both have this weird thing with the moon too. So fast foward two months and we have two crazy girls with matching lunática tattoos. Oops! 🙊

Best friends lunática

There She Is

Somewhere around 7 months of running my internal clock started ticking, and so did my trials and tribulations. First came the older white real estate broker that thought he could take advantage of me while he was drunk, then came the older white woman who thought she could fit me into her box of who I was. Both made me furious, yet both I remained calm and cordial. But WHY?? Why should I have to be nice to the man who has probably gotten away with this a million times before. Why should I be nice to the woman who couldn’t possibly comprehend why I am the way I am? Both parities I bit my tongue so many times. Mostly because I never felt strong enough to correct people on their ignorance and I certainly didn’t feel strong enough now.

The last tribulation and 2nd reason behind my second wind was being confronted with something involving my younger brother. After being tapped out for so long I had been praying for something to tap me back into the me that was the rock of the family and my people. When the moment came I was ready. I flew out on a secret mission to do what I do best. Be a ride or die. I was submerged right back into the life that I said I would never go back to, just so that I could take my brother out of it. And the truth is there was no better person for the job. It felt like my soul was entering my body again and all the flashes of being the bad ass bitch from Long Beach came straight back to me. Because yes not only do I have a lot of experience in life but I was trained in the professional world on how to be a leader in life. A blend of two worlds in one brown little body. And I had forgotten. 

Second Wind

This wave sent me straight into the momentum I needed to come back to the game. All this time I feel like I’ve been using Carolmine to “make it out”. Which I now realize meant a lot of things for me. On the one hand, being a first generation American from the hood, it has been instilled in me to work hard. On the other hand, I moved for a boy and spent years living in a place that felt like black and white. I wanted so bad to return to a world of color. The only way I saw being if I made it out through success. And the part I didn’t have the language to comprehend….I had been so tired of feeling like I had to deliver a watered down version of myself just to make certain people feel more comfortable. I desperately wanted life and work to feel like it did in my dreams. So I continued to push boundaries on what it meant to be a business owner. Rapping, cussing up a storm and showing my stoner ways, all for this wild dream of giving it all away. And because deep down I wanted to create a space where I had the freedom to be me.

A part of this second wind that I didn’t expect was having to choose my dreams again and accept why they were there in the first place. Because of all the colors that make me ME. I had so much lingering shame and embarrassment on all my big dreams. Especially now having to worry about being loved by someone again. Whatever that is lol. I couldn’t just be acting ridiculous online anymore since I was so consumed with what people thought of me. Afterall, none of this felt normal. This whole time I felt like my foundation for my work ethic lied in having a partner who loved and believed in me. Part of this second wind was realizing NOPE, that was just me. Making my dreams important and shouting to the rooftops that all our dreams are. And just because my dreams are different than most doesn’t make them unimportant. So here I am, rolling with the punches and choosing my dreams again and why they’re there in the first place. Because they make me ME.

All that being said, this collection is dedicated to the brown skin girls who ever doubted their journey and all that it entailed. To the girls who ever gave a watered down version of themselves or their story just to make people feel more comfortable. To the girls who kept quiet when being faced with ignorance or ever felt any ounce of shame. I pray we all get a second wind in life to give it our all and make our dreams a reality.

Happy to say I am lost in all the wonder that is life and love. Completely fascinated with how beautiful love can be. Even falling out of it. Because all there is left to do is discovering how to love the new you. I finally found myself in the studio again, dreaming of dropping music with future collections. Imagining all the blogs I’ll write one day, riddled with the nicknames of silly boys who take me out to play. Oh how poetic I can be when I’m feeling me. So when in doubt, buy that one way ticket, get that matching tattoo, have that divorce party, and be the ride or die you were meant to be boo. You can embrace your lunática too. After all, we are all women that change with the phases of the moon. 

Xoxo,

Jenny O. 💋

PS. Use code CarolminexThalia for 15% off your order from now until 1/5 

Written by Jenny Ochoa

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