Well hello again dreamers. Bet you didn’t think I’d be back so soon. Guess the new year vibes has gotten the best of me. Thank God! I’ve decided I would be making the blog a priority this year. Partly because writing is very therapeutic for me and also to buy time in-between drops. I have been making it a point to create more curated and meaningful drops rather than constantly dropping clothes every week. So I figured what better way to pass the time than to spill the tea.
You know it was once my dream to have a blog. I even created a site and instagram called Styled Strong. I envisioned being able to tell my story through fashion. I also had a friend who was inspired by the idea and wanted to join in. I thought this was a great idea since I was scared shitless. (Per usual when it comes to putting myself out there). Turned out she wasn’t interested in being transparent about our lives. I could respect it but I didn’t understand why someone would choose to come to our fashion/travel blog if there was no uniqueness that differentiated us from the rest. So… long story short the dream died. I was afraid to go on without her. Was I wrong to want to be so transparent? Was I really ready? All in all, I find it funny that I’m right back where I started. Telling my story through fashion.
I think it took me forever to surrender to the Diary Series blog because … well I was embarrassed of my story. If there’s anything I learned from last year is that the waves of embarrassment don’t stop lol. Just like failures in life I guess. But you know what else 2021 made me realize? If I’m going to be failing and feeling embarrassed anyway, it might as well be while following my dreams. Time passes regardless and so do the waves of embarrassment. Thank God haha.
My dream has always been to be a storyteller in every way possible. Through music, poetry, screenwriting, art, projects of all kinds. You name it I’m here for it. A blog seems like the easiest way to pump my heartbeat back into this little biz of mine. Plus there’s plenty of tips and trick blogs out there so I figured why not change things up a bit and write about something worth reading. Like all the juicy journeys life has to offer and the gold nugget lessons you find along the way. I’ve always been one to fully process everything until I find the poetic remedy of words to help me understand why things go the way they do. Some journeys are quick to find those words, others take much longer. Either way the words always come. I figured the people who stumble upon these blog posts are dreamers too and might resonate with my storytelling ways. And all the gold nuggets along the way.
The current wave I’m riding is a hermit one. I’ve been on the go go go being my networking queen self for 8 months now and ever since the holidays I’ve had the need to slow down. Both to process everything I’ve been through and also because I was dead tired of being on the run. Usually it’s just me and a guitar on the first stages of healing. Interestingly enough, I barely got my hands on mine at month 8. Finally staying still and playing has helped me process so much that has happened as of late. I honestly didn’t even realize how cold my heart was these days. I could feel the layers begin to melt song by song. I realized through music that somewhere along the way I stopped believing in happy endings. Me of all people?! The serial optimist and hopeless romantic always believes in happy endings. But I was just so okay with never doing a relationship again and being the cool aunt. I was so okay with not having the cookie cutter story and making my life about my dreams. As if finding a wild fulfilling love wasn’t once one of them.
I stopped watching The Bachelor. It honestly hurt too much to watch a show about love. I stopped remembering any of the good times my love story had. It’s like the memories had vanished. All that was there for me was the ashes. So instead of embedding my story into my soul, I blocked it all out as if it didn’t happen. For 8 months that is. Because then came music. And music always finds its way into my heart.
A few weeks later it’s like I reconnected to my girly side. The one with her princess like dreams. But now with a little twist. Because embedding last year’s waves and my story as a whole into my soul changed things up from my previous demeanor. It’s like I finally roughed myself up a little bit and rubbed some dirt on my scars. Low and behold out came the other side a more beautiful, spicier and relatable version of me. I never wanted to be a girly girl anyways. These scars. These wounds. They make me feel like the me I’ve always wanted to be. Rough around the edges but still with some princess like dreams.